Yup....I Failed!

So on Friday I gave everyone a challenge of enjoying their busy. Loving it instead of stressing over it. Guess what?

I failed.

I started strong!

Saturday I was up before the sun rise. I love getting up early & enjoying the quiet of my house. I love drinking my coffee as I look out the window in my dining room & watch the sun rise.

                                           

My day started with my Girls on the Run team volunteering to run the water stations at the Ridge Run 5k & 15k in our town. We had an absolute blast! Being in the space of those amazing young ladies is such a blessing to me. Truly.

From here it was a rush to watch my youngest daughter participate in the Awana games; she did great. Seriously, the girl is super-duper speedy.....clearly, that does not come from her mama!

                                                 

Snuck out of here five minutes before it was done to rush back to catch my other daughters last Upwards basketball game of the season. I truly enjoyed watching her this season, she worked hard & came such a long way, but more importantly I was proud of her leadership she showed.

When a runner is watching other runners run when she cannot, a little jealousy occurs (I truly dislike the word jealous....). I ran into my house & changed & hit the road for a 5k run. It was the strongest run I have had in a very long time & I NEEDED that! In fact, I haven't been able to run much at all in the past two weeks.

                                         

Once I was done, it was a sprint back out the door to catch the other Upwards basketball game of the day! Watching my Bear play her first season was a joy! The girl always makes you smile.

After this, I finished my Saturday with the quickest shower of my life & then the Upwards Awards Night. That truly is such a wonderful program!

So, Saturday, I accepted my challenge! I loved my busy. I loved watching my kids & felt blessed to have active, healthy kids as I ran around like a crazy woman.

Then, Sunday hit. Sunday morning I had just parked my car for a 10 mile training run on the trail when my daughter called me & I found out she had a fever along with a few other symptoms & wanted to see mom. So, I went to check in on her. She had been down with the flu the previous weekend & start of last week that gave us a trip to the ER for Zofran & for some good dehydration help. The symptoms she was experiencing yesterday worried us so I called the on-call nurse at the doctors office. After a million questions, she advised us to get her checked out. So, another trip to the ER occurred. After blood work & a long exam & some other tests, it was determined that it was probably a virus that her body just cannot seem to still kick. But, we got the good drugs through the IV & eventually after sitting there for hours & hours came back home.

                                     

I sat there in the hospital room thinking about all the things on my list that were not getting done for the day. I looked at my daughter who was so weak to even talk or move & my heart just kept breaking. I cannot seem to get her healthy; her little body is not fighting well right now.

One of the problems was that her legs hurt so badly, even to the touch, let alone to walk. So, even once we got home, she wanted mom to snuggle her as I would also have to carry her to the bathroom or anywhere else she needed to go. So, again, that to do list was left untouched!

As I put the girls to bed last night, I looked around my house & just felt like I was drowning. The stress hit me like a brick wall. I stood there thinking of all the million things that were once again left undone. The dishes in my sink. The piles of laundry still not ironed or put away. The dirty clothes still laying in piles. The carpet that needs vacuumed. The grocery list that was not touched. The bills sitting on the counter to pay. The work I brought home over the weekend to get done untouched on the counter.

It all sat there, on my shoulders. I am not a half-way kind of girl. I do a job, I get it done. I also cannot stand the clutter of a home, it makes me feel mentally cluttered. I hate feeling behind & to be honest, right now, I feel like I am falling behind in every single aspect of my life.

I hate it.

I crawled into bed feeling the stress of the busy weekend & forgot to love the busy. I failed at my own challenge. So, I guess there is today to do better.

Until Next Time~

*krisha* 

Are You Busy?

Have you had this conversation with someone recently:

Question - "Hi. How are you?"

Answer - "Busy." (said in a very stressed out, exhausted, annoyed tone of voice)

Umm....great, so am I. "Sorry"...is that how you respond? Or do you say "me too." But, really when did "busy" become a feeling? When was this an appropriate response to a question that once had an answer of: good, great, wonderful, okay? "Busy" is never said with a smile; more of an "ugh!" What I have also noticed is that we are even to BUSY to respond back with "how are you doing?" 

Please do not get me wrong because I am quite certain I have probably given the busy answer a time or two myself.  I am also totally guilty of getting so caught up in the schedule or worrying about what is next on the agenda, that I am not present in the moment.

Lately, I have really been paying close attention to conversations with others. I guess that communication major from college is finding the way back out of me, or it might also be me looking for real genuine relationships and therefore looking at many interactions at different levels. It may also be me trying to work on a better me; the best me for my girls.

I am not sure when or why being so overly busy became *THE* thing to do. We glorify busy! It almost feels like if we do not have our schedules booked solid, we are not living life right; the pressure to do so is crazy! If our kids are not in three different sports or activities at a time, we are failing them as a parent. Where is the time to snuggle up on the couch & read a book with them or watch that movie for the twentieth time?

Our busy is our own fault, most of the time. I, personally, am a big one at taking on extras. I am always getting myself more involved with different organizations, hobbies, or committees. At times, I do get overwhelmed wondering how I can get it all done. I probably would not be human if I didn't feel that way. This Saturday's agenda for me feels almost this way - booked solid from sun up to sun down.

But, I encourage you this weekend in your busy schedule to stop & take the time to enjoy it all. 
Do not complain; embrace it.
Be thankful that you have children to chase around. 
Be grateful that your children can be active in sports or were committed to say enough verses to have the chance to participate in the Awana games on Saturday. 
Feel blessed that you have the financial ability to have your kids on the sports travel teams & the vehicle to transport them. 
Appreciate your occupation that allows you to do all this crazy busy "stuff." 
Love that you can be there for your kids. 
Be a positive spectator for all those around you. 
Encourage your kids & the other kids to have fun & enjoy their activity without stressing about the pressure of being the best or winning. 
Be an example of giving 100 percent at the things we take on in life. 
Smile when the other busy mom asks how are you are doing; she may need that simple smile!

Smile. 
Enjoy every moment.
Be thankful. 
Be grateful. 
Appreciate it. 
Feel Blessed. 

Someday this will all be over; you will be sitting around on a Saturday wishing you could go back & do this all over again. You will wish your kids were not old enough to drive themselves to practice & wish you could go back to the day you were their taxi. They will be out of the house & you will want to hit rewind. 

So enjoy it now; take it all in & love every minute of it so on that Saturday in your future, you don't sit there wishing you would have embraced every moment of your busy, crazy days instead of feeling stressed & complaining. 

I challenge you this weekend to embrace & love every crazy moment of your busy! I am challenging myself to do the same. 

After all, remember, those moments you might be taking for granted someone else is praying for.

Until Next Time~
*krisha*

Hi...

Life is all about creating ourselves. For quite some time, I have been on a quest to find Krisha, or I guess create the best version of myself; of who I am supposed to be.

There were a few years where I lived buried. Buried under life. Not feeling much. Living through the daily motions.

No doubt, my quest has been an adventure. Allow me to introduce you to Krisha, a woman confident in who she is and who she is becoming. A woman who will admit she has failed over and over again at many things in life; massive, important things; things she will carry forever. A woman who once hated herself and stood on the sidelines of life. A woman who now knows who she is and who she is supposed to be.

I was raised to believe in the power of hard work; I will work sun up to sun down, day in and day out if that is what needs to be done. I am not afraid to get dirty (this coming from the girl who once worked in the field as a plumber...) and not afraid to sweat. If you want something in life, anything, you have to commit to hard work; nothing good in life comes easy. There is always something that needs to be done; there is always a job that needs to be completed. Honestly, I cannot relax knowing something is undone. This was how I was raised; we certainly did not sit around and watch hours of TV in my house growing up. This is something I am truly thankful that my parents demonstrated over the years: work hard and take pride in your work. After all, nothing is worth doing if you are not going to give it your all.

Along with that hard work, I am an athlete. I was ALWAYS an athlete. My veins are filled with a competitive spirit; to an extent many probably cannot even imagine how strong it is. For years, I lived with this void. Until I fell in love with running. Running has allowed me to feel like ME again; an athlete. Guess what? I am the best competitor for me; my own competition and I love every second of it. Truly, I probably cannot put it in words, but it makes me feel alive; it's almost freeing to me.

I absolutely love a challenge - tell me I cannot do something or that it is going to be difficult and guess what...you just lit a fire in me. That competitor in me THRIVES off of being challenged and having goals to achieve and work towards. If you have no goals, where are you trying to go in life? Nowhere....you are simply just going through the daily motions of life and not really living.

I work hard; but I play hard. When the time is there, I love to be with my favorite people laughing, sharing stories, creating memories. You will never see me sitting down much ever. I like to move, I like to explore. I love adventures, I love to make everyone around me smile and laugh, I like to create simple every day moments into memories to treasure.

This girl is a giver; again, thanks to my parents. We have always believed in giving, in paying it forward. We were always more fortunate than others (however, please note we all worked our butts off for that) but never selfish; always paying it forward. Giving, without wanting to receive.  With my giving attitude is that heart of mine that always loves to help others and often takes on so many extras until that plate is definitely filled and spilling over but I love it all at the same time.

My family is my heart. I will and would do anything for any one of them. I love going to work every day and working with my dad, my two brothers and my sister. Our relationships are so solid and I am blessed to be their family.  My mom is my best friend; she is simply the most amazing, loving, giving, selfless person I know. I am just blessed by my family. Every single one of them; despite our many differences or our past battles.

Over the years, I have learned that I am my own best friend and the best person to ever depend on. I do not ask for help very well at all; and there is nothing more than I dislike than being disappointed or let down. I do not trust easy; life has shown me that it is best not too. I have been used and knocked down so many times on so many levels over the years; but I always have and always will get back up.

I love words. I love to write; anything really. I will wake up in the middle of the night and write. I will try to go to bed at night, like tonight, and get back up because I have words I need out.

I am stubborn; more than you can even imagine. I am very impatient; this is one of those work in progress areas. But, they are me.

I will speak my truths now; there was a time I wouldn't. Popular truths or not. If you hurt me, I will let you know. I will no longer leave it inside to eat away at me; I'll speak it and move forward. There is no more hiding my feelings, or burying them; no fake here. I have learned that all I need is a few quality friends, not a hundred who aren't real. I only want true genuine relationships in my life.

I am a mom. A mom who wonders all day long if she is screwing up her kids; wonders if she is making the right decisions for them. A mom who works hard at juggling everything for her kids. A mom who sneaks into their rooms late at night watching them sleep and thanks God for letting me be their mom with tears in my eyes. A mom who is so proud of her girls and will always be there to be their rock, their teacher, their cheerleader, their friend, their pusher and their hug.

I am an original; I do not fit into a mold or a category. I often am told that I am not a "normal girl." Or told that I am more "like one of the guys, yet you aren't"...whatever that means!

I am me. I am someone who once looked in the mirror and was filled with hate. For herself.

I am now someone who loves herself; every flaw and imperfection you could point out to her. Her stretch marks from becoming a mom, signs of gained and lost weight, her tree trunk legs she always hated, or her stubbornness and lack of patience. I look in the mirror and see the only place I have to live; my body. Therefore, I take care of my body and feed it what it needs, whether that means healthy foods or a 20 mile run, I nourish it. My mind can be controlled by what I feed it: the positives of life or feed it the negatives; what I give power to in my mind is what it will feed off. My strong heart has been broken and felt empty several times but really it is as real as you can find and if you are in it, its because you love the real me despite my failures in life, my flaws or imperfections; and you were there to celebrate the successes and share the laughter.

This is Krisha: a woman who loves herself, works hard, is an athlete, loves a goal and a challenge, always gives, loves deep and will always get back up when knocked down. A woman who is still on the quest of creating herself; her best self. Not some "skinny" self like some may believe; the self that she is proud to be daily and will continue to be proud of tomorrow. A woman who no longer measures herself against anyone or anything or allows anyone control over her self-confidence because she is exactly who she is supposed to be...the best version of herself.

Until Next Time~
*krisha*

Change the Goal or the Plan?

Currently I am in training for a half-marathon & a 25k. I had very big goals for my pace goals for both races; really wanting to improve on my pace. Not to mention, this year for those completing both of these events you get an extra bling medal. Who doesn't like more bling?! 

But, here I am. Not too many weeks before my half & that 25k will be here in no time. Yes, I realize it wasn't that many months ago that I ran a full marathon, however, since then I have not been able to run as much as I had hoped due to my injuries and my physical therapy. 

Now, here I am with "life" I guess getting in the way of my training schedule. For the past two weekends, I have missed my long runs. Last week, I was fighting off some kind of virus and I tried to hit the trails but couldn't do it. This past weekend I have been nursing my youngest daughter with a horrible flu bug & her typical dehydration to the point where quite often she wouldn't let me leave her side. 

To be honest, it might be some level of an excuse, but once the week begins with all the girls activities & my work, I cannot squeeze in a long run. Yes, I have one of those ultra boring treadmills in the basement, but doing ten plus miles on that thing.....yikes!

Anyway, I sat here & debated on maybe rethinking my races & registrations. But, I set a goal. 

I don't quit. 

I just have to rethink my plan a little; rework my training schedule. 

* and yes, I need to get back to utilizing my planner!!*

Yes, maybe it is possible that I may need to re-think my RACE day goals & maybe I will need to accept what is & smile as I cross the finish line. 

Life happens. Always. It can get in our way; attempts to throw us away from our goals. I have had a lot of life changes in the past few months & at times I have been tempted to stop training, set my goals down lower; smaller easier goals. 

But, that would be me going in a backwards direction. I am not going that way. I still need to move forward & push myself. This girl is the one that has to have a big goal to work towards; I will always be in love with the feeling of being challenged along with the feeling of being stronger than yesterday. 

Challenged is what I will be feeling from now until I step up to the starting line on these spring races, but as long as I keep putting one foot in front of the other, regardless of the time it takes for me to get from the starting line to the finish line, I still won. I still reached my goal.  

Until Next Time~

*krisha*

Changes!

Yes, my life has changed in the past nine months. On many levels. In several ways.

In the past few months I have had to make some changes in my workout routine & schedule and also changes in my monthly budget. 


One of those things I had to let go of for now was my studio membership. This was hard for me, very difficult. I loved the classes there, the trainers. I always walked out feeling purely exhausted but yet so much stronger. I loved the other women I have met, the friends I have made. Do you know how nice it is to actually go someplace where women are empowering & encouraging each other versus judging, measuring up & being jealous of one another? Some day I will be back there, but for now, this is where I am at. For now, this was an expense I had to cut. 

I could certainly allow losing my membership to be an excuse; a reason to stop making progress. An easy way out of building up my strength. I could also really use my personal life changes to hold me back, way back, if I wanted.  But, I am too strong to allow that to happen.

Anyway, over the past year I have heard comments about my progress. Comments that I've become obsessed....yes, a woman obsessed with being healthy & comfortable in her skin. Comments that my progress is unattainable to others because I was training for a marathon. Comments that others cannot afford a gym or studio membership so my progress was not possible for them because I had "extra help."

So, now....here I am. Here are my changes from January to March, there is definitely a loss of some good inches. Yes, after the holidays I was feeling "puffy" like I am sure everyone was! But, this progress here was made without running much at all; no big long runs at all. For the most part, all I ran was 2-3 miles twice a week, maybe three times a week. I was only able to attend one night at the studio - 1 class that ran from January to the end of February but I only made it on four of the Wednesdays in that eight week time frame. 

Other than my short little runs, I was working out at home, mostly just 20-30 minute workouts made up by myself for the most part. I turn on my tunes, pull out my yoga mat, pull out the kettlebell & the few weights I have & the resistance bands, push my Bosu ball out in the room. Then, I move. I push myself, no one is there telling me to go lower or harder...it is just me. Some days I focus on a whole body workout, some days it is my legs, while other is it my core & arms. Anyone can get down on the floor & do some push-ups or different core exercises, anyone can get up & do some squats or lunges.I have a few websites or trainers I follow for ideas & videos, I do also have several Beachbody workout DVDs.

This morning I got up and did a core workout I made up in my mind laying in bed last night. Tuesday at lunch, I went for a quick 1.5 mile run & then used the slight hill/incline in our back parking lot at work to do lunges, squats, high knees up it. I will tell you, just that little incline made a difference as my leg muscles felt it for sure for two days!

All you need to make progress is a commitment to yourself, a desire for a change, a fire inside you to push yourself, and the strength to keep going when you are tired. But, you must throw the excuses out the window - the only person those excuses hurt is yourself; you are only holding you back.

Until Next Time~
*krisha*

A Year Ago

Well, here we go... 

Today I share my one year transformation. 

My before picture was taken at the time I had first stepped out of my comfort zone. The week I joined a fabulous fitness studio, MFC. This time a year ago.

I looked in the mirror in January of 2014 & had a talk with myself. I looked in the mirror & knew there was not much of a real smile there. I saw a woman going through her daily motions, there was no fire. She had no goals set. The woman in the mirror was letting life pass her by, she was sitting on the sidelines of life as a spectator because all she really wanted to do was hide. She wasn't active & fueled her body with junk food & unhealthy choices. She wasn't who she was supposed to be. She was lost; buried. She knew she wanted better that day. She wanted to be a better woman, she wanted to be herself again.

It took time to develop a plan, make changes. Nothing ever happens over night. It took almost two months to get the courage to walk into MFC & meet the trainer, Kaitlin. However, I walked in the door & saw women just like me & she greeted me with a hug. 

That was the first step outside of my comfort zone. A step that certainly threw me forward in my success.

I had to get out of that zone, I wanted more. I wanted change. I had goals. 

A year later....

 Yes....I will not lie that one of my favorite things is that I can now see ab definition & definitely really feel them!

No, it has not been easy. Yes, there are times I have wanted to quit. I have had days where pizza and beer won. Workouts & runs that were skipped because I was not in the mood. 

But, every time I fell down, I got back up. Every day I struggled, I told myself all I had to do was keep putting one foot in front of the other. 

Yes, in the beginning I hated working out. I felt weak. I compared myself to everyone around me.

Then, I realized I was getting stronger. I found that comparison is simply the thief of joy & I was not on this journey for anyone else so why compare myself? I did not need to measure up to anyone else but myself. 

I found that the secret to my success was in my daily habits. Focusing on changing these habits with small daily goals pushed me forward to progress. I realized that I will never be perfect & in this journey perfection is not an option. One small screw up, one missed workout, or 4 pieces of pizza later I was still okay. I did not have to throw in the towel & start again next week, next month. 

My motto has been everything in moderation when it comes to what I eat or drink. I am that person that if you tell me I cannot have something I will want it badly. Dream about it. Crave it. I will attempt to fulfill this craving in other ways & later realize I would have been better off to allow myself what I really wanted in a controlled portion - instead I just probably consumed 800 extra calories! 

This is not my diet. I have not dieted in the past year. I am living a healthy lifestyle. A lifestyle that for me is livable. A lifestyle that makes me feel incredible. A lifestyle that my daughters have picked up on & have learned from. 

I look back to this "before" me & remember how scared I was. How afraid I was of failure. I remember in June when I decided I wanted to try to train for a full marathon, I was so afraid I could not do it that I didn't admit to anyone until after I had run 15 miles because that was my furthest run ever. Why be afraid? Even if I hadn't achieved the goal, I was trying! I was putting myself out there! No longer am I afraid. I definitely may fail at an upcoming race or run, but I will continue to keep putting one foot in front of the other so is it really failing? Or maybe just falling short? 

I know I will have people ask me how much weight I have lost in these pictures & I cannot honestly tell you. Anywhere from 15-20 pounds, but not significant. I had to stop listening to the scale, it was not feedback that was working for me. To be honest, if I still listened to it, it would tell me that my BMI is still considered to be OVERWEIGHT! To me, I do not look in the mirror & see someone who needs to lose weight.

No, I see a woman who is proud of herself. A woman with a fire & a passion. A woman who is living life to the fullest & is not sitting on the sidelines spectating. I see a woman with a true smile. There is a woman who pushes herself daily & is in the best shape of her life. A woman who is getting stronger daily & can see muscle definition. A mom who now looks in the mirror & loves what she sees that she used to hate. A woman who sees a body that changed through pregnancies but finds beauty in each change there & now fully embraces it. 

Yes, there are changes on the outside, but really what happened from the before picture to the current picture is that I learned to love myself again. Is there any better gift out there for myself or for my daughters - a mom who loves herself inside & out?  

Until Next Time~
*krisha*