Not Today In This Mama's Heart

This morning I woke up to my 4:30 a.m. alarm thankful for a new day. I got up & turned on my tunes, drank some coffee & got ready for my morning sweat session. I jumped on the treadmill & ran feeling alive & free; feeling as if the weight of life was off my shoulders. When I was done, I sat down with my personal development & read. In a 10 minute span, I only read 2 pages because I was so lost in the powerful words & thoughts I found my heart & soul lit on fire re-reading lines over & over again. 

Eventually it was time for me to start the next part of my day; getting myself ready for another day & then awakening my girls. Yesterday was a rough day for my little Bear that included a breakdown on her part, which also led to mom’s heart shattering in pieces once again. This morning was an appointment with another specialist. My girl woke up remembering our first stop of the day was a doctor & instantly broke down. She has never been bothered or complained about going to doctor appointments…ever.

But, today you could see the anxiety weighing so heavy on her. The fear from the previous day still strong in her mind; the uncertainty of what might be said today & the terror of what we might have to try next not knowing how much discomfort it may cause her little body. We finally stopped for a moment as I hugged her & together we prayed.

We jumped in the car after her appointment this morning with her not really knowing what was said between the doctor & me. But, mom had a heavy heart where feelings of hopelessness were trying to fight their way in & tears filled my eyes.  She is a mystery; her body does not make sense. We have tried so many things that have worked for others & yet finding her right answer is still a large unanswered question. 

I reminded her this morning that we had to stay brave, we had to stay open to new possibilities. No matter how many times we strike out, we have to strut back up to the plate & try again. If we are willing to keep trying, eventually, we will hit a home run. Who knows, maybe even a grand slam.

So those feelings of hopeless that are trying to break in this mama’s heart will have to wait. Today, I am too strong to let them in. I am so grateful I started my day working on me mentally, physically & emotionally so I could be ready to take care of my baby in the most positive way I could. Taking care of me, spending time on me, absolutely makes me a better mom today than I was yesterday. 

Until Next Time~

*krisha*