Why You Started....

I saw this image on Pinterest yesterday & it sat heavy on my heart.....

Why in the world did I start this journey 5 years & 2 months ago? Yes, I remember exactly when I started because I walked into a Weight Watchers meeting on a Thursday morning with my 2 week old baby.

Lately, I have struggled with motivation when I had an abundance of motivation during my 55 pound loss & the maintenance of it for over a year and a half.

Now I begin to ask myself such self-sabotaging questions, such as "why bother?" "The scale is going to go up anyway." "I will never be able to keep it off forever."

But I know why I need to bother; I know I can keep the scale down & I know I can keep it off forever with some work.

So, time for some remembering as to why I started:

- I felt miserable
- I looked awful
- I had ZERO self-confidence
- I didn't have any self-worth
- I was so down on myself that I was not a good wife
- I needed to be healthy for my baby girls
- I wanted to hide myself
- I was always on the sidelines, not actively involved in life
- I wouldn't take a picture with my girls
- I was unhealthy
- I used food to make me feel better
- I felt disgusting
- I wanted to hide from my husband

Did I mention that I felt awful & wanted to crawl into a hole every.single.day? I did. Here I was a married mama to a beautiful 3 year old girl & a newborn girl. I was not a role model to them, I was a bad wife. I didn't want to actively live my life....I wanted to sit on the sidelines of life & miss out because all I wanted to do was hide.

How can I forget about this time? Some of these old feelings have worked their way back up in my mind, in my heart, with gaining back weight.

So to move this to the positive side, I need to list my advantages to losing the weight!

- I will feel amazing
- My self-confidence will increase
- I will feel sexy for my hubby
- I won't want to hide behind my hooded sweatshirts
- I won't stay on the sidelines of life
- I will take fun pics with my girls & hubby to treasure someday
- I will be a positive role model
- I will be healthy
- I will be proud of myself
- My family will be proud of me
- I will feel confident wearing anything I want

Sometimes you need those lists to move back to your focus. 
To remember why you started. 
To remember why you will  not give up.

Today for WIW....I'm up 0.4 from last week but very close to being back out of the 160's...again! I'm getting out for sure by next week & never going back!



Until Next Time~
*krisha*

Glow Run & WIW!

Wow - it is already Wednesday this week! That's awesome BUT it has been such a crazy week! For WIW I am so excited to say I am down 2.4 this week - Woot! Woot! Yes, I am totally tooting my own darn horn today. Why? Because this is the second week in a row where I've lost & I am finally feeling like I back on this darn journey for real!


Anyway - this weekend was our first, of hopefully many, family 5k runs! My oldest daughter, Jacee, really wanted to do a run this summer...I'm not sure why exactly, other than maybe because she knows it is something mom enjoys & wanted to do it too! We did the "It's Glow Time" 5k - so flippin' fun!! My girls did AMAZING!! We finished in about 36-37 minutes & really the only time we stopped running was to hit up the water station! Here's my fun pics from it!

 

Did I mention yet that my girls ROCKED IT OUT?! Then, after, they went & tore up the dance scene! Will hopefully do this again!

As for that losing weight thing, I'm really concentrating on my water & cutting out that stupid Diet Coke. I totally know that it is rotting away my insides, however, that never seems to be enough to get me to stop drinking it! I've got some Spark on order - CANNOT wait to try that out!

I'm also giving that whole clean eating thing a little more of a try. I say this right before I head off to Labor Day camping with my entire family....which typically equals junk food, food, beer, food, beer....get the picture? I have been eating somewhat clean-er than normal since Monday & I can tell you that I have been feeling so much better / less logged down / more energy since then. Sure, it could all be in my head as I try to convince myself this is something I need to do, but either way, something is working for me! 

And...I'm finally this week trying to pick out cute stuff from my closet, well at least I think it's cute stuff, as opposed to lately when I've just tried to hide under my clothes. See....?!

One last fun bunch of pics, my hubby & I are celebrating 9 years of married bliss today. I really cannot believe it has already been 9 years - but it has been an amazing 9 years with a whole lot of love, laughter, & fun....so here is to many more years! 

 

Until Next Time~

*krisha*

My Run Fell Short

So I am training for a half-marathon in October. My training schedule had me doing a 5 mile run this weekend that I didn't get in with being away from home. So, I had to do it last night. 

We got up to our seasonal campsite & I started thinking of a 100 excuses as to why I shouldn't go for a run. Even though, there was the smart girl voice in my head saying "You need to run. Don't forget your goals." Thankfully, I told my hubby I was thinking of so many excuses to not go & he told me to quit it & go! 

So, I did. I promised myself again that I was not going to stress about my pace. All I was going to do was put one foot in front of the other.

Wow..it was ROUGH! Last week I didn't really run at all because I had tweaked my back & was in pain. I tried to keep going. Putting one foot in front of the other.....I kept pushing myself mentally:

- you aren't really tired yet

- you still have more in you

- just keep going, it will get better

- you can

And then I just stopped. A 5 mile run wasn't in my cards last night for many reasons to learn from - not excuses. 

- I didn't get a proper snack before hand to fuel myself

- I forgot my running belt for my water at home

- My muscles were aching

- I hadn't run in over a week

- I didn't drink enough water in the afternoon

But, this time falling short was different for me. I didn't beat myself up & call myself a failure. I was proud I tried, I was proud that I went for a run, I was proud I pushed hard until I was out of gas, I was proud that I learned something. After all, I went 3.5 miles so I still had a good calorie burn & got a good run done. 

So, now the plan will be to run & cross train during the week & catch back up with my training schedule with a 6 mile run this weekend! And IF I were to fall short again, I am going to remind myself of this:

 

Until Next Time ~

*krisha*

A Slap in the Face & A Change

This weekend I came to a screeching hault...a huge wake-up call....actually more like a slap in the face...HARD

I'm miserable! I'm so mad at myself. I feel horrible when I look in the mirror. I feel horrible just sitting there.

I'm so incredibly down on myself & can't figure out how I got here again. Even though, I want to move forward, I am afraid to fail again.

This is so NOT ME!! I am always the positive person. The person that says, "So what if you failed. At least you tried." "Today wasn't your day, but tomorrow will be. Let it go." And on...and on...and on. I always have a positive thing to say to anyone!

So, why can't I say any of that to myself? Why am I always so hard on myself? Why can't I forgive myself when I mess up or don't meet a goal or have an off day? Right now I call myself a "failure" every fricken day.

So, yes, I'm imperfect. That's where my new blog name is coming in to play. I do not expect anyone else in my life to be perfect, except myself. Why? It's time I move away from that & learn to love my flaws, my failures, my attempts, and myself. This will be a deep & difficult journey for me....I have always looked at just my flaws & imperfections.I have always felt like I didn't measure up. Moving forward...today I find the new me & learn to love her.

Weekend recap - we had a blast! It was our annual boat & camping weekend with my in-laws, brother-in-law, and my hubby's cousin & his wife. So... yes, I consumed too much beer! Probably too much food to, but not even close to as much as normal! 

My girls had a blast....and they are way too cute!

 Really...it's August & I saw leaves changing color on the river! WTH?!

 My favorite part of camping...

 This picture makes me cringe....yes, I'm the big one on the left....incredibly uncomfortable, can you tell?!

So, Imma gonna learn how to like myself again so I can get moving on to a better me! Here we go y'all...I can do this!

Until Next Time~

*krisha*

Running Again!

So I recently was hating running! I wrote about it here last week. Despised it, never wanted to do it again. So, I did take a week or two off from it. But, I kept thinking about that darn half-marathon in October that I'm already registered for. 

I was struggling.....Because I am not a quitter. Because a half is something I have said I wanted to do for a few years. Because I know there are people in my life who don't think I can do it or that I will do it.

So, I set the goal on Sunday to run 4 miles on Monday & to see how that went. I made the following agreement with myself:

- I would pay no attention to my pace or care what my pace is.

- I wasn't going to wear my heart rate monitor so I couldn't pay any attention to how many calories I was or wasn't burning.

- If I needed to walk, it was okay.

- Don't look back to what your pace was last summer, Summer 2012 is over, this is 2013 so who cares?

- I really wanted to be back in 50 minutes.

Well...I put on my music & ran....4.35 miles. The longest run I've had since last summer. It felt great. No, it wasn't easy. But, it was rewarding. It was relaxing. It was quality time with me, myself & I. No pressure to be anyone I am not. I only walked three times for 15 seconds & that was only after 3 decent size hills. 

So, I'm back. On track with my half-marathon schedule & ready to train.

And for today's WIW, I'm down from last week. I'm moving forward!!

Until Next Time ~

*krisha*

WIW & Moving Foward

 

So here we are again on a Wednesday. I did get on the scale this morning but I'm not sure if it was up or down from last week because I was on a scale break-up for the most part then (but, it's down from a few days ago after I kick my own butt)!  However, I'm back in a relationship with it for now. I think right now I need the feedback, but I am also reminding myself daily that the ### does NOT define me. If I start going back to being my worst enemy weighing myself, I'll have to break up with that witch again! 

But for now - I'm moving forward. Yesterday I admitted how much **It Just Got Real for me trying to get dressed for work. I'm over being mad at myself. I'm moving forward!

I am going to get back to my basics, the "Honeymoon Phase" with Weight Watchers is the term I prefer to use! Back to tracking, which I have been HORRIBLE at for the past year (probably WHY the scale is up), I set back up my 4 times a day reminders on my phone to track & Imma Gonna Rock This!

I'm also super pumped because I just ordered ChaLean Extreme the other day - PUMPED! I intend on doing a hybrid schedule of that with Turbo Fire! 

Yes, I love to run. Yes, I am suppose to run a half-marathon in October. Yes, I used to love running. I couldn't wait for my run every day. I'm not sure why, but right now, I loathe it almost. I don't want to do it & it makes me grumpy! No, having a half-marathon on the schedule doesn't motivate me right now (I was training last summer for it & was rocking until I had to stop via my Orthopedic doc due to a pinched nerve that was killing me when running). When I had to stop running, I deferred my registration to this fall but now I don't like running. I'm going to take a couple weeks off from focusing on it & maybe that desire & fire will return!

On another note, we celebrated my baby's FIFTH birthday on Saturday....how is she 5? 

 It was suppose to be a super sunny gorgeous day......the weather peeps were a bit "off target!" But, we still  had a blast & the sun did come up eventually!

Until Next Time~
*krisha*

**It Just Got Real!

Really....this morning was the last straw.....Really, really, I had to try on four, yes FOUR pairs of pants before "settling" on the fifth pair as being okay - meaning I didn't look like I was spilling out of them or busting seams or had a gigantic muffin top! These pants I speak of....were once too big! I had to wear a belt to keep them nicely in place.

Oh! AND a top I tried on, a size LARGE that I almost got rid of once because it was really too big & actually made me look bigger with the way it fit me....was WAY.TOO.FLIPPIN'.SMALL.

SO, it's real y'all! No...not going backwards anymore. Not going to keep hatin' on myself for what I've allowed to come back on my butt, hips, waist, legs.....I'm moving forward.

So here's to today. Here is to me getting healthy again. Here is to me treating food as fuel & not as a habit, hobby, or emotional satisfaction or fulfillment.

Here is to me kicking some *ss....watch out peeps! Here is a better me:

Until Next Time ~
*krisha*