Monday, June 22, 2015

It Is My Choice

I have started a blog post a handful of times in the past few weeks but always left unfinished. I have felt like I was hanging on by a thread for this entire month of June & although I had words I wanted to write, nothing was there. 

Yesterday I was home alone again & had been on an emotional ledge for weeks now & suddenly felt like I was about to leap off that ledge. I had to get out of my house for a bit. I needed to go some place else where I could just think, just be, just enjoy a beautiful surrounding. A place I could be alone, yet not feel lonely. 

So, I got in the car & drove. 

I ended up on the beach of Lake Michigan. 

I walked the pier taking in the fresh air. Enjoying the beauty of the water, although it was a very hazy day out. I sat at the end of the pier for some time just alone in my thoughts, in my memories, in my dreams, in my fears, in my hopes, in my prayers & in my heart. 

The truth is that sometimes change is hard. Even when you know change is coming or that a chapter is ending sometimes the reality of it all strikes you out of nowhere & what you have known to be your normal for years is no longer your reality. 

Maybe it is more like that thread you were barely holding on by to get through the days finally broke you free. It allowed you to step back & look at the big picture again. 

I have struggled lately feeling pulled in a million directions, all taking every ounce of energy out of me. Some days simply running my one single mile for my run streak feels like the hardest thing in the world to do. 

Right now, I have struggled accepting my new "normal." Maybe it comes down to even when you know it is time to start a new chapter, that first page can be hard to begin. 

As I sat on the pier I realized  how different each wave was. Some big, some small. Some weak & some strong. Some you could walk right through, while others you would have to fight with everything you have to stay above the water. 

The waves are just like the pages in our book. Each page can be different, each page has different words. Some deep, some simple. Some filled with love, some filled with tears. But, each page can be beautiful, just like every wave. We have the choice to scribe them full of love, beauty, faith, hope and our dreams and spread a positive energy for those around us. 

As I walked back towards the beach, I could feel the negative me that had been crying on & off for days was left behind. I could feel the strength coming back that I will need to embrace my new normal. 

No doubt I have struggles ahead, especially in the next month & a half, but I will fight to keep focus on the positives. I want to focus my energy on the blessings in my life & inspire me & hopefully others around me. 

It is my choice to focus on the positive & let go of the negative. I am not perfect. There will be days, but I will fight. This is how I want to live my life; shining a positive energy.  

So here I go. New chapter. New pages to scribe. New words to use. New adventures to travel. 

Until Next Time~

No comments:

Post a Comment