Monday, October 29, 2012

The Weekend Self-Sabotage....AGAIN

My name is Krisha and I like beer. I do. On weekends I like to drink a lot of it. However, once I step on the scale Sunday or Monday morning, I hate beer & I hate myself.  I look in the mirror with absolute disgust in myself. I'm mad, I'm disappointed, I'm sad, I'm upset. 

It's a very vicious cycle I appear to be on for the past few months. Two weeks ago, I was so close to getting back to that lower decade of numbers on my scale - so close I could almost taste it. I was so close to wanting something I have been working on again for so very long.  Now, here I am....up above 5 pounds from there.

Why? Well, you see, I am pretty much on track during the week. I'm staying very close to my recommend intake of calories & drinking more water than I have in a while.  Then, the weekend arrives. I drink lots of beer on Friday and then even more on Saturday. Not to mention there are always some special weekend foods, such as pizza. Sunday....well I typically am not feeling fantastic so I eat the day away trying to settle back down my stomach. 

Yes, it's time for an adjustment in life. I think I really need to step back from the beer for a while. This weekend I am already planning ahead - I know Saturday will be a dinner out w/ my husband's family. I will drink a beer, maybe two. But, I think that will be my limit for the weekend. 

I do know I cannot cut my beer out forever. I mean, I could, but I don't really want to. But, right now, if I really want to get to my goal weight, I need to cut it down. I NEED to end this vicious cycle I am on right now. I want to hit that weight. I need to focus on that right now. Once I hit maintenance, I can work it back in.

My ultimate goal is to look at a picture of myself and think I look incredible. I want to see & feel proud of myself & what I have accomplished. I look in this picture from this weekend & think I look like I weigh 160 instead of what I do. Ugh!

Okay, so here I go. Here I go for this week. I AM GOING TO BREAK THIS CYCLE! I am going to start to REALLY lose this weight. On your mark, get set, GO!

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Ugh....Craving a Workout!!

You know that saying, "You are only one workout away from a good mood," do you believe it? There are so many quotes out there motivating you to get that workout in, and yes, several that I believe to not really be true. This one, I'm finding out very fast, is true.

This spring & summer I was training for a half-marathon that I should be running in 11 days. I worked all the way up to 10 miles. I love high school self would have NEVER believed that statement! I love the quality time with myself. I love the music. I love the time to think. I love the energy, that high I get. I love the challenge. I love the accomplishment. I love releasing stress. As much as I love being a mom, I also love not being able to hear my girls fight or whine while I am running. What to do when suddenly it is taken away from you?

I am scheduled for shoulder surgery on November 13th. I am doing physical therapy for it and dealing with a constant everyday pain currently. It hurts when I run, it hurts when I walk fast (as in fast enough to be considered a workout). My body is seriously CRAVING a good, sweaty, intense, kick some *ss workout right now. Ugh! I honestly feel so down in the dumps, my energy level sucks (which could also be related to the somewhat lack of sleep I'm getting due to my arm). I always thought I did the workouts just because I wanted to lose weight......huh? I guess it is true what "they" say, you learn something new everyday. For me, it's learning something new about me everyday lately.

Until I can find a workout that I can do without horribly increasing my daily pain, I guess I will keep watching those points values, those calories, and focus on my food choices....but seriously!
Until then, I will just keep pacing down this road of mine. I am not going to lose sight of the progress I have made so far.... I will keep kicking some *ss one way or another!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

The Start....

So here I go again....I have started probably five blogs over the past few years & I never do a darn thing with them after posting a few times! BUT - I NEED it this time. 

I need a place to come and unload, a place to write my goals, a place to cry, a place to laugh, a place to lift myself up, a place to brag about my family, a place to write about my daily failures, a place to write my successes, and even a place to list the daily excuses I give myself!

Let's be honest, with as much time as I can spend on Facebook and Pinterest in a day while at work, I should have time to post in a blog, right? What shall I post about?! Starting with my weight healthy lifestyle.

I swore OVER & OVER to myself that it would NEVER happen to me. I would never gain back some of the weight I lost....well maybe a few pounds, but never this much. I would never hit that higher decade of numbers again. I would never get back to the place where my self-confidence and self-worth hit low and I found myself staring in my closet every morning thinking, "What can I wear today that will hide my body?" I swore it, but here I am. From my low on Weight Watchers to today, I have put back on 15.2 pounds and have not weighed in free at my meetings since June. Why? Why did I let this happen?

I got lazy, and not really in fitness. I was training for a half-marathon for most of this time frame. But, I did get lazy in my food choices. I stopped thinking about what I was putting in my body and I stopped thinking about how much I was putting in my body. I will be successful all day at work, head home for the evening and completely blow it. I really cannot figure out how I have let myself go this far off the track. Now, I cannot seem to get myself back on track, I cannot seem to get over the anger at myself. 

But, it is time. It is the start of it now. GET OVER IT! You screwed up, you are not perfect (as much as I think I might be at times)!!!! I need to go back to knowing and believing that I am worth it, I am worth spending time on every day! 

My goals are to finally get to my real goal weight, wear anything I would like in my closet and not hide, walk around self-confident, feel good about me, set an amazing example for my girls, be healthy. There are going to be so many challenges that jump in my face (such as shoulder surgery in November), but I always give the advice to others of "keep on truckin' on." So, for once, I will live my own advice and get out of my own damn way! 

So here we go, here is to the start of my blog, the new start of me, a better me.