Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Long Week & a New WIW

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

This week I have made zero fact, you could say negative progress because I have definitely gone backwards. WIW was not pretty, my only hope is I can make some progress today before I jump on the scale at my WW meeting tomorrow!

This week, I spent all of Monday thru Tuesday morning in the hospital with my baby. Yes, by "my baby" I mean my five year old! When Laynee was seven months old she had stomach surgery due to horrible reflux that was doing damage & she started to associate pain with her food so getting her to eat was becoming more difficult. Those seven months before surgery were very tiring & stressful as the poor girl never slept at night because that was when the heartburn was the worse. She & I would sleep in the chair sitting up just so she could stay upright. Everywhere we went, the diaper bag suitcase we carried had about 5 extra outfits for her & typically at least 2 for me! She had two other cousins the same age as her & it would break my heart at family outings that they other two were always picked up & snuggled before her.

That precious little girl was a whole new girl when we came home from our week stay in the hospital. She was happy, she was eating, she was playing, she was being held, she was no longer chocking every time she ate, she was no longer fussy & uncomfortable! I am still in amazement looking back!

When we had surgery, we knew there was only a 5% chance she would ever be able to throw up again. My dad had the same procedure done in his 20s & falls into the 95% that cannot. Well, little Miss Laynee can throw up, which is great! The issue is that her stomach takes forever to learn how to function properly she like triples the number of time she gets sick compared to everyone else.

For the second time on Monday, we ended up in ER with a seriously dehyrated little miss. This time they made us stay thru the night as well. It is so sad watching her - so sick & weak to talk let alone move. I tried so hard to be proactive this time, but when you can't get her stomach to hold anything, you are basically at a loss cause. I spoke to two different doctors on this visit & both agree that with her stomach & her body build, this might be the common occurrence for her. I am praying the flu stays away from her for quite some time!

Today, I am restarting with my current weight & using that as my start weight. I will not feel this way about myself when I welcome in 2014! So next week for WIW I'll be letting y'all know how much I lost!
Weigh In Wedneday

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

So What Wednesdays...

So here we are, another month ending, another goal not reached.....But honestly, I should have known better than to set a weight loss goal with my half-marathon. I know my body, I know research shows it is a hard thing to do, I basically set myself up for failure! Oh well...I ran my first half-marathon, maybe that is what I should be focusing on!

Life After I DewSo today I am going to try my hand at So What Wednesdays.... Yikes!

So what if all of my Halloween ideas came from Pinterest, which would include my treat bags for my nieces & nephews as well as my Jacee's costume.

So what if every morning this week I have shut my alarm right off, as opposed to hitting snooze, which has resulted in zero morning workouts.

So what if during ChaLean Extreme, Chalene Johnson is totally rocking her 25-pounders & I am rocking out to my like 8-pounders.

So what if every week I tell myself "no more Starbucks" & then at the start of every week I'm making a trip there.

So what if I will never be a mom who is super organized & her kids are to school early every day, 5 minutes before class starts is considered "early" right?

So what if the hubby & I typically have a mini-date night on Wednesdays while the girls are at church & tonight, instead, we have a "Lets clean the house while the girls are gone" date because it is on the brink of disaster zone (what's a full-time working mama to do, right?).

So what if I participated in a weight lost challenge & for the final weigh-in today I was up 1.2 pounds from the start of the could have been up 5 pounds, right?

For WIW, I've resumed my relationship with my scale for now. I got goals I gots to hit! So back to it I go....weighed in this morning & we shall see where next week ends up! 

Weigh In Wedneday 
Until Next Time ~

Friday, October 25, 2013

My First Half Recap

Yup. "It" finally happened! It has been in the works for three years!
2011 - I started saying "I want to run a half-marathon. I'm going to do it." But, in reality, I was too chicken to sign up.
Too afraid of failure.
2012 - I signed up SUPER EARLY. I was training. I was passionate about running. Then, my shoulder (from years & years of softball pitching) become unbearable & I headed off to the surgeon after putting it off for a few ten years. The problem with running was that I had a pinched nerve in my neck from my shoulder injury that when I ran caused an incredible amount of pain that shot down my back. He told me I was done,  no more running.
So I deferred my race registration to 2013.
When I did that I had no idea that after seven months of no running allowed I would hate it when I started.
I never once stopped to think I would have to start back over with working up to one mile.
When I first started running on this journey, it took awhile to find that runners high, that love.
I was so flippin' mad I had to go through that all.over.again.
So I struggled.
I struggled with running.
I struggled with wanting to run.
I struggled with how slow I was (and with that I fully acknowledge that I will never be fast).
I struggled with sticking to the training schedule.
But this was a goal I had set three years ago.
I am not a quitter.
Never have been, never will be.

Prior to race day, my longest run was 10 miles. You can read that didn't go real well. A couple days after that run, I started struggling with a strained hamstring. So from that run until the race, the furthest I had done was a five miler. Otherwise, after resting my leg for about a week, I did little "baby" runs, two or three miles, tops.

I had some serious anxiety wondering if I would be able to cross the finish line. 
I had some serious self-doubt. 
Here is how I prepared mentally because I knew it would come down to the mental aspect as well as my amazing buddy, Kingsley, that I run for through an organization called I Run 4 Michael.

After carb-loading Saturday evening (I should run half-marathons more often) I woke up Sunday morning at 5, three hours before race time. 
I went to the kitchen to drink my Spark and found myself singing, "I'm gonna run a half-marathon. I'm gonna run 13 miles." over & over.
I was pumped.
I was focused.
I was just praying I was ready.

As I was waiting in the chute for the race to start, I was so inspired looking around seeing all the different shapes, sizes, & ages of the runners. All there to accomplish the same thing - cross a finish line. I was so ready! I reviewed my game plan, which was full of thinking about Kingsley & running for him & promising myself I was going to start slow & make sure I had enough "gas" in my tank at the end!

And we were off.
Immediately, people were passing me left & right. At first, I let it get to me. 
But, I kept checking my Garmin for my pace & reminded myself of my game plan.

Miles 1-3 flew by so fast. I maintained my pace, enjoyed the scenery, jammed out to some music, read cool shirts, smiled at others.
Miles 4-5 - I kept saying "wow, I feel really good. I am really going to do this, huh?"
Mile 6- I was feeling awesome. I knew then I was going to be just fine because it was mile 6 in my 10 mile training run that my legs were tight & it was my worst mile. But, I was feeling sweet!
Miles 7-9 had some inclines, nothing huge, but inclines. Just after mile 7 I saw another porta-jon. Not knowing where the next one might be, I knew I had to stop. It was a five minute wait - ugh!! Note to self: was super glad I had that kleenex in my running was out of t.p.! Finally, took right off running again. This stretch was when I really started passing people, which felt amazing & my pace was still pretty good (minus the bathroom stop that I wish for my own reference I would have paused my Garmin).
Miles 9-11 I don't really remember much. Other than a ton of random thoughts I had.....those were like a blur! I know these were the super tough mental miles. I was not running physically here, it was mentally. It was the quotes I had used all week. It was my own quotes I use during softball season. It was me telling myself that I was going to do this.
Mile 12...that was when the legs became ON FIRE! I was starting to struggle. But, up to this point in time, I had not walked at all. I was super proud of that & had already been thinking about telling everyone how I didn't have to walk. I wasn't gonna stop, I had to keep running, as I chanted "Kingsley, Kingsley..." over & over again in my head. 
But boy, they were TIGHT.
As we turned into the final stretch, I picked a couple of people up ahead that I could tell were struggling. I made a goal to get passed them....and yes, as I was passing some of them, some of the FULL marathoners were passing me...those peeps are amazing!
I finally stopped my music as there were spectators again yelling, you could hear the announcer talking, I saw the flag for Mile #13...."I'm really going to do this." Right as I got to the flag, I heard my girls cheering me on. Wow...what a moment to look over & see them so proud & excited. I picked up my pace & sprinted through the finish line.

I did it.
I ran a half-marathon with no walking.
I felt amazing.
I felt proud.
I felt like my legs were on fire....oh wait, they were!
I got my medal with the biggest smile ever.
I got my drink & found my family again.
"I didn't have to walk. Not at all."
My girls smiled big & I could see how proud (and shocked) my family was.

My question a few moments later was, "when is the next half-marathon."

I will run one again.

This is my youngest daughter in the bottom with her arms up in the air for "Mommy!"
And you better believe that this baby went up on my car right away!!! 

Until Next Time~

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

The Mental Side Of Running & Me

So, as I have mentioned in the past, I also coach High School Varsity Softball. One of the biggest ideas I preach to my softball girls is that the game is mostly mental. If you are weak mentally, you will fail. My main saying to them is, "I can, I will, I'm GONNA." So much that one year we had it printed on the back of our t-shirts. We don't even need to mention the millions of times I have talked about visualizing success.

SO................If I preach it, why don't I practice it?! Ever since I have started running again...or trying to get running again...since having my shoulder surgery last winter my mental game has been my BIGGEST weakness. I never give myself credit, I continually knock myself down. Instead of saying, "wow Krisha, you did great today. You got done 3 miles without any walk breaks," I will say "wow Krisha, you used to be able to run 3 miles faster." I know this is doing absolutely NO good for me. Not to mention while running, I will hear myself say "you can't complete this run today, you have gotten so out of shape." Instead of something positive, "your body is strong, you can finish today."

I'm preparing my mental game this week for my first half-marathon on Sunday because right now I know this is my weakness. Yes, I will admit & I do know that I'm not in as good of shape as I was a year ago. But, there are reasons for that! When I was finally able to start running again once I was healed from surgery, it was starting all the way back over again! So, I am forgetting how fast I once could run a mile (which, in way is it really fast...but I was proud of it) & I am no longer remembering how far I could go without a break.

Here are some of my mantras I am reading again & again this week!

Love this first one!
 A little different take on the I'm Possible idea:

 Unfortunately, this one is my biggest fear! Because I didn't "train" really & I wish I would have now. But I'm sure there will be another half in my day! 

Today is WIW....the scale & I are still on a break-up. I plan to weigh-in at the end of the month. But, I can tell you that I've lost inches. My jeans fit much better & my belts have all gone down a hole! 

Weigh In Wedneday

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

My First Double Digit RUN!

So I'm currently on my plan that I have called: "oh, shoot! You have only 24 days to prepare for a half that you haven't ran for let alone trained for What. So. Ever. Just going to try to cross the finish line on just my 2 feet and not crawling on all 4s!" 

This weekend I never had a good chance to hit the road running for a long run. So I did it last night. I told my hubby I needed to do a longer run than 5 miles & my goal was to run for at least an hour & a half to help build up my mileage to try to catch up to training plans. Secretly, I was thinking how awesome it would be if I could hit the 10 mile mark but refused to say it out loud because of  my fear of failure. The longest I have ever ran is a little over 8 miles last summer. 

But, the beauty of your out & back running style is that you have to finish. Especially when you are on a trail run where there are no shortcuts & no one can come pick you up! So I turned around at 5 miles knowing I had to finish that 10 miles. 

The first 5 miles went great; I felt great. Then, I hit mile #6 and I am quite certain that each leg weighed at least a hundred pounds each. It was rough BRUTAL. Mile 6 felt like it would never end. Then I  hit mile 7 and then "Girl on Fire" came on my iPod & I felt amazing again. I was about to do something I had never done before!

Yes, I had some 15 second walk breaks in there (note to self- next time bring the entire box of Kleenex with you - ugh!!!) & some stupid stop & pick up my water bottle that fell out of my hydration belt for the 50th time moments. I also had some stop & stretch out my calves during the last 3 miles. 

But, I continued putting 1 foot in front of the other. Slowly, yes, but I continued on. There were moments I wanted to quit & just shut off my Garmin & walk back to my car. There were moments I wondered if I would be able to do 13.1 miles in 20 days. There were moments where my calves felt like they were seriously ON FIRE! But, I didn't quit....the word "quit" is not in my vocab. I stopped worrying about how much slower my pace was than what it was a year ago when I did consider myself a "runner" & just did it. 

When I was done, I was hurting. In fact, I went home & took my first ice bath - that's how on fire my calves were. Um....those things are NOT fun! But I felt better & I was afraid this morning that my calves would feel awful - but I feel great! I am still sitting here feeling darn proud that I ran 10 miles. Never in my life, before last year at age 31 thought of ever doing something like this. In my school days, I was an athlete, but running was always something I hated! 

One of my fave things about running is that it is the ONLY time this mama gets all by herself! As a full-time working mama who runs around most days with her head cut off, I sometimes forget to enjoy the beauty around me every day. Running on this trail allows me the chance to enjoy it! Especially fall - I can't wait for those leaves to change even more in color! 

Off topic....yesterday my hubby sent me flowers at work. This is HUGE y'all! He doesn't send flowers - I can't tell you the last time I got any! But, they surprised me & brightened my day & I did need the message on the card! 

Must run for now.....back to getting some work done today! 

Until Next Time~

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Why You Started....

I saw this image on Pinterest yesterday & it sat heavy on my heart.....
Why in the world did I start this journey 5 years & 2 months ago? Yes, I remember exactly when I started because I walked into a Weight Watchers meeting on a Thursday morning with my 2 week old baby.

Lately, I have struggled with motivation when I had an abundance of motivation during my 55 pound loss & the maintenance of it for over a year and a half.

Now I begin to ask myself such self-sabotaging questions, such as "why bother?" "The scale is going to go up anyway." "I will never be able to keep it off forever."

But I know why I need to bother; I know I can keep the scale down & I know I can keep it off forever with some work.

So, time for some remembering as to why I started:

- I felt miserable
- I looked awful
- I had ZERO self-confidence
- I didn't have any self-worth
- I was so down on myself that I was not a good wife
- I needed to be healthy for my baby girls
- I wanted to hide myself
- I was always on the sidelines, not actively involved in life
- I wouldn't take a picture with my girls
- I was unhealthy
- I used food to make me feel better
- I felt disgusting
- I wanted to hide from my husband

Did I mention that I felt awful & wanted to crawl into a hole I did. Here I was a married mama to a beautiful 3 year old girl & a newborn girl. I was not a role model to them, I was a bad wife. I didn't want to actively live my life....I wanted to sit on the sidelines of life & miss out because all I wanted to do was hide.

How can I forget about this time? Some of these old feelings have worked their way back up in my mind, in my heart, with gaining back weight.

So to move this to the positive side, I need to list my advantages to losing the weight!

- I will feel amazing
- My self-confidence will increase
- I will feel sexy for my hubby
- I won't want to hide behind my hooded sweatshirts
- I won't stay on the sidelines of life
- I will take fun pics with my girls & hubby to treasure someday
- I will be a positive role model
- I will be healthy
- I will be proud of myself
- My family will be proud of me
- I will feel confident wearing anything I want

Sometimes you need those lists to move back to your focus. 
To remember why you started. 
To remember why you will  not give up.

Today for WIW....I'm up 0.4 from last week but very close to being back out of the 160's...again! I'm getting out for sure by next week & never going back!
Weigh In Wedneday

Until Next Time~

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Glow Run & WIW!

Wow - it is already Wednesday this week! That's awesome BUT it has been such a crazy week! For WIW I am so excited to say I am down 2.4 this week - Woot! Woot! Yes, I am totally tooting my own darn horn today. Why? Because this is the second week in a row where I've lost & I am finally feeling like I back on this darn journey for real!
Weigh In Wedneday

Anyway - this weekend was our first, of hopefully many, family 5k runs! My oldest daughter, Jacee, really wanted to do a run this summer...I'm not sure why exactly, other than maybe because she knows it is something mom enjoys & wanted to do it too! We did the "It's Glow Time" 5k - so flippin' fun!! My girls did AMAZING!! We finished in about 36-37 minutes & really the only time we stopped running was to hit up the water station! Here's my fun pics from it!
Did I mention yet that my girls ROCKED IT OUT?! Then, after, they went & tore up the dance scene! Will hopefully do this again!

As for that losing weight thing, I'm really concentrating on my water & cutting out that stupid Diet Coke. I totally know that it is rotting away my insides, however, that never seems to be enough to get me to stop drinking it! I've got some Spark on order - CANNOT wait to try that out!

I'm also giving that whole clean eating thing a little more of a try. I say this right before I head off to Labor Day camping with my entire family....which typically equals junk food, food, beer, food, beer....get the picture? I have been eating somewhat clean-er than normal since Monday & I can tell you that I have been feeling so much better / less logged down / more energy since then. Sure, it could all be in my head as I try to convince myself this is something I need to do, but either way, something is working for me! 

And...I'm finally this week trying to pick out cute stuff from my closet, well at least I think it's cute stuff, as opposed to lately when I've just tried to hide under my clothes. See....?!

One last fun bunch of pics, my hubby & I are celebrating 9 years of married bliss today. I really cannot believe it has already been 9 years - but it has been an amazing 9 years with a whole lot of love, laughter, & here is to many more years! 
Until Next Time~

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

My Run Fell Short

So I am training for a half-marathon in October. My training schedule had me doing a 5 mile run this weekend that I didn't get in with being away from home. So, I had to do it last night. 

We got up to our seasonal campsite & I started thinking of a 100 excuses as to why I shouldn't go for a run. Even though, there was the smart girl voice in my head saying "You need to run. Don't forget your goals." Thankfully, I told my hubby I was thinking of so many excuses to not go & he told me to quit it & go! 

So, I did. I promised myself again that I was not going to stress about my pace. All I was going to do was put one foot in front of the other. was ROUGH! Last week I didn't really run at all because I had tweaked my back & was in pain. I tried to keep going. Putting one foot in front of the other.....I kept pushing myself mentally:

- you aren't really tired yet
- you still have more in you
- just keep going, it will get better
- you can

And then I just stopped. A 5 mile run wasn't in my cards last night for many reasons to learn from - not excuses. 

- I didn't get a proper snack before hand to fuel myself
- I forgot my running belt for my water at home
- My muscles were aching
- I hadn't run in over a week
- I didn't drink enough water in the afternoon

But, this time falling short was different for me. I didn't beat myself up & call myself a failure. I was proud I tried, I was proud that I went for a run, I was proud I pushed hard until I was out of gas, I was proud that I learned something. After all, I went 3.5 miles so I still had a good calorie burn & got a good run done. 

So, now the plan will be to run & cross train during the week & catch back up with my training schedule with a 6 mile run this weekend! And IF I were to fall short again, I am going to remind myself of this:
Until Next Time ~

Monday, August 12, 2013

A Slap in the Face & A Change

This weekend I came to a screeching hault...a huge wake-up call....actually more like a slap in the face...HARD

I'm miserable! I'm so mad at myself. I feel horrible when I look in the mirror. I feel horrible just sitting there.

I'm so incredibly down on myself & can't figure out how I got here again. Even though, I want to move forward, I am afraid to fail again.

This is so NOT ME!! I am always the positive person. The person that says, "So what if you failed. At least you tried." "Today wasn't your day, but tomorrow will be. Let it go." And on...and on...and on. I always have a positive thing to say to anyone!

So, why can't I say any of that to myself? Why am I always so hard on myself? Why can't I forgive myself when I mess up or don't meet a goal or have an off day? Right now I call myself a "failure" every fricken day.

So, yes, I'm imperfect. That's where my new blog name is coming in to play. I do not expect anyone else in my life to be perfect, except myself. Why? It's time I move away from that & learn to love my flaws, my failures, my attempts, and myself. This will be a deep & difficult journey for me....I have always looked at just my flaws & imperfections.I have always felt like I didn't measure up. Moving I find the new me & learn to love her.

Sami's Shenanigans
Weekend recap - we had a blast! It was our annual boat & camping weekend with my in-laws, brother-in-law, and my hubby's cousin & his wife. So... yes, I consumed too much beer! Probably too much food to, but not even close to as much as normal! 

My girls had a blast....and they are way too cute!'s August & I saw leaves changing color on the river! WTH?!
 My favorite part of camping...
 This picture makes me cringe....yes, I'm the big one on the left....incredibly uncomfortable, can you tell?!

So, Imma gonna learn how to like myself again so I can get moving on to a better me! Here we go y'all...I can do this!

Until Next Time~

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Running Again!

So I recently was hating running! I wrote about it here last week. Despised it, never wanted to do it again. So, I did take a week or two off from it. But, I kept thinking about that darn half-marathon in October that I'm already registered for. 

I was struggling.....Because I am not a quitter. Because a half is something I have said I wanted to do for a few years. Because I know there are people in my life who don't think I can do it or that I will do it.

So, I set the goal on Sunday to run 4 miles on Monday & to see how that went. I made the following agreement with myself:

- I would pay no attention to my pace or care what my pace is.
- I wasn't going to wear my heart rate monitor so I couldn't pay any attention to how many calories I was or wasn't burning.
- If I needed to walk, it was okay.
- Don't look back to what your pace was last summer, Summer 2012 is over, this is 2013 so who cares?
- I really wanted to be back in 50 minutes.

Well...I put on my music & ran....4.35 miles. The longest run I've had since last summer. It felt great. No, it wasn't easy. But, it was rewarding. It was relaxing. It was quality time with me, myself & I. No pressure to be anyone I am not. I only walked three times for 15 seconds & that was only after 3 decent size hills. 

So, I'm back. On track with my half-marathon schedule & ready to train.

Strong Medicine
And for today's WIW, I'm down from last week. I'm moving forward!!

Until Next Time ~

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

WIW & Moving Foward

Strong Medicine 

So here we are again on a Wednesday. I did get on the scale this morning but I'm not sure if it was up or down from last week because I was on a scale break-up for the most part then (but, it's down from a few days ago after I kick my own butt)!  However, I'm back in a relationship with it for now. I think right now I need the feedback, but I am also reminding myself daily that the ### does NOT define me. If I start going back to being my worst enemy weighing myself, I'll have to break up with that witch again! 

But for now - I'm moving forward. Yesterday I admitted how much **It Just Got Real for me trying to get dressed for work. I'm over being mad at myself. I'm moving forward!

I am going to get back to my basics, the "Honeymoon Phase" with Weight Watchers is the term I prefer to use! Back to tracking, which I have been HORRIBLE at for the past year (probably WHY the scale is up), I set back up my 4 times a day reminders on my phone to track & Imma Gonna Rock This!

I'm also super pumped because I just ordered ChaLean Extreme the other day - PUMPED! I intend on doing a hybrid schedule of that with Turbo Fire! 

Yes, I love to run. Yes, I am suppose to run a half-marathon in October. Yes, I used to love running. I couldn't wait for my run every day. I'm not sure why, but right now, I loathe it almost. I don't want to do it & it makes me grumpy! No, having a half-marathon on the schedule doesn't motivate me right now (I was training last summer for it & was rocking until I had to stop via my Orthopedic doc due to a pinched nerve that was killing me when running). When I had to stop running, I deferred my registration to this fall but now I don't like running. I'm going to take a couple weeks off from focusing on it & maybe that desire & fire will return!

On another note, we celebrated my baby's FIFTH birthday on is she 5? 
 It was suppose to be a super sunny gorgeous day......the weather peeps were a bit "off target!" But, we still  had a blast & the sun did come up eventually!

Until Next Time~

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

**It Just Got Real!

Really....this morning was the last straw.....Really, really, I had to try on four, yes FOUR pairs of pants before "settling" on the fifth pair as being okay - meaning I didn't look like I was spilling out of them or busting seams or had a gigantic muffin top! These pants I speak of....were once too big! I had to wear a belt to keep them nicely in place.

Oh! AND a top I tried on, a size LARGE that I almost got rid of once because it was really too big & actually made me look bigger with the way it fit me....was WAY.TOO.FLIPPIN'.SMALL.

SO, it's real y'all! No...not going backwards anymore. Not going to keep hatin' on myself for what I've allowed to come back on my butt, hips, waist, legs.....I'm moving forward.

So here's to today. Here is to me getting healthy again. Here is to me treating food as fuel & not as a habit, hobby, or emotional satisfaction or fulfillment.

Here is to me kicking some * out peeps! Here is a better me:
Until Next Time ~

Wednesday, July 17, 2013


So I took a long vacation away from the world of blogging. Between softball season, end of the school year life, summer starting & ignoring how I am still constantly failing at this taking & keeping weight off sort-of-thing I had disappeared. But, here I am today, back and ready….I hope.

And I'm back today linking up for WIW as I did so many previous times...only with different bloggers this time!
Pretty Strong Medicine

A couple of weeks ago I again realized the super negative effect the scale was having on me. I mean, really, it is a number & should not define my self-worth every morning. So, we broke up. As we broke-up, I had a week at the camper with my ENTIRE family (while going back & forth to work) & then followed that week up with a road trip & vacation to Florida with my hubby & the girls. Today, just to check in, I got on the scale. No, I didn’t love the number at all. I wish I was not in that decade of numbers.  But was I surprised? No. I am actually down about a pound & a half since the last time I got on it but I also can tell it’s back up from where it was within that time. I’m not going to dwell on it though. I had a GREAT vacation in Florida. I did drink what I wanted & let myself eat what I wanted at dinner but tried to keep things in perspective for breakfast & lunch. I have no regrets with how I did. I could have done better, but it was my choice to not stress about it.  

But, now it’s time to get focused. I hate what I see in the mirror every morning, afternoon & evening. I have truly put myself in the lowest spot on my list of priorities, and I’m not proud. It’s time to fix it. It’s time to work on me. It’s time to take care of myself so I can be a better spouse, mom & friend. 

About two years ago I spent the summer feeling AMAZED with myself. I had just become a Weight Watchers Lifetime member & I was SO CONFIDENT. I wore shorts & didn’t think twice about it. I felt good in my swimsuit! 

Unfortunately, it was before gaining back about twenty pounds.

Sometimes I truly think I’m just scared. When I used to hear people say something about having fear about losing weight, I could never figure it out! I mean, what is there to be afraid of with losing weight? In my current situation in digging deep inside myself, I feel it. For me, it’s a feel of failure….again. I failed. I put back on 20 pounds after working my butt off (literally) for 3 years. Here I sit having done exactly what I said I would NEVER do. 

I am afraid that I will regain it again. I am afraid that I will fail. 

But, so what. Time to get over my fear & move forward. A fear of failure will only hold me back & I will continue to look back in the past. So over it! So ready to move forward & take it one day at a time.
So, here goes nothing. I’m moving on. I’m moving forward. I’m moving away from my past failures. 

And some pics from our wonderful vacation:

First time in the ocean for my little ladies!
 They never wanted to leave!
 Of course we had to go searching for seashells!
 Treasured family time!
 Yes, the cool mom I am let them get their hair done!
 Until Next Time~