Wednesday, April 10, 2013


This week has been a week of looking back. I lost 55 pounds on WW after joining when my youngest daughter was 2 weeks old. That would have been August of 2008. 
I lost that, slowly, reminding myself often of the saying "Slow & Steady Wins the Race." 
I went for months where I never even had a gain, I posted a loss every time....might not have been a big loss but down is always down in my eyes.
I maintained that 55 pound lost for about a year & a half when suddenly my scale started creeping up no matter what I did. I couldn't figure it out & kept trying new things. 
Finally after a year, I started researching my birth control & have recently changed that in hopes that was an issue.
So what did I do? How did I lose that weight that is different from now?
That has been my focus this week.

I worked the plan.
I tracked in my 3 month journal pretty much every day.
I would enjoy a cheat meal, or sometimes it was a day.
I worked out & enjoyed my workout.
I made myself a priority in my "To Do" list every day.

More importantly:
I told myself that every day was a NEW day.
If I screwed up yesterday, it didn't matter anymore, because today was a day to make a better choice.
I was nice & understanding to myself. 
I didn't beat myself up if I screwed up, I accepted I was human & not perfect.
I didn't say mean things to myself, such as "you suck."
Or my current favorite one "you are such a failure."
I didn't look in the mirror & say "Wow, you look FAT."
I looked in the mirror & saw progress, I wasn't looking for perfection.

I sit here currently about 15 pounds up from where I was really maintaining, sure I got lower than that, but I didn't maintain that lower #. 
So what? Get over it! Move forward.
I am quite certain that I'm not the first person in the world of weight lost that has regained some weight. 

So today's WI is up 0.5 from last week, but down 2.8 from where I was when I stepped on the scale on Monday morning. So, yes, I'm happy with that. 
I have done better the past few days planning my food & sticking with it!
I'm not expecting myself to be perfect & I'm not going to deprive myself from things I love. 
I will work them into my plan.
I will pick a cheat meal for the week....(not sure which day this will be yet for this weekend) but it will stop at a meal, not an entire weekend like this last one!
 Because that is how I lost my weight in the first place.

Here's some pics for the week:
We had Easter at my parents on Sunday - we have such beautiful kids!


This was the gorgeous sunrise the other morning. Isn't God's art amazing?

 Until Next Time ~

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

WIW...Moving Forward

It's Wednesday again! The week is at the half-way point & for that I'm very thankful!

I'm only going to mention my WI as an "I'm up" but I'm down from where I was on Monday morning so I'm going in the right direction!

This week had its stresses for sure. Friday I ended up spending 12 hours in the ER with my youngest. She ended up with some kind of virus last week and became SERIOUSLY DEHYDRATED. She looked awful, I felt awful. She had some numbers showing on her lab work that were scary & that was potentially pointing at some more serious problems/diseases. However, finally, yesterday her lab work showed improvement & yes, I'm praising God for two healthy girls. Plus, she is still adorable even sick.

I have learned a lot about myself this week. As I mentioned yesterday, I asked myself The Hard Questions this week. Why am I struggling? Why am I choosing things that are awful for me? What am I afraid of? And the list of questions goes on & on. I realized over the weekend that my issues with food do go deeper than I have ever admitted. Looking back I see that on Friday at the hospital. I was stressed, nervous, upset, and all I could think about all day long was food! Any food! When my husband finally brought me food in the evening (this was after not eating a lunch) I ate it so fast I never even tasted it. My mind was thinking, "once I eat this food, I will feel better. I will be more relaxed. It will take away my fear." Obviously, it did none of that. I am depending on food to do things it will NEVER do instead of viewing food as fuel for my body. Fuel in which I can put in the premium fuel or I can put in the fake cheap stuff & always feel like I'm running on empty. 

So, this week's WI might not have the results from last week we all hope for in terms of the scale. But, to me, I do think I've lost.....I've gained a lot of knowledge & insight about myself that I know is going to take me forward. 

Here's a couple pictures from a quick trip this Spring Break weekend - who needs to leave Michigan for some beach fun during Spring Break? Oh wait....I wish we were not in winter coats & gloves. Please spring weather SHOW UP!

Until Next Time ~

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Asking the Hard Questions


Do you have any idea how many times I ask myself this question every single day? I should really count them in a day to see how bad it really is. I seem to have zero self-control lately in any area of life.

I sat myself down & had a very long heart-to-heart talk & found the questions I need to ask myself. 

Why do I keep sabotaging myself?
Why do I choose the foods that I know are not right?
Why do I choose the foods that will make me feel awful?
Why do I choose to shove the food in my mouth after I tell myself how bad it is?
Why can't I seem to pick something that is healthy or in my calorie/point range?
Why don't I want to feel good?
Why do I pull myself in the opposite direction of success?
Why don't I take a little bit of time in the day to plan to set myself up for success tomorrow?
Why don't I put to use all the tools I have for this healthy lifestyle?
Why don't I see my excuses are only hurting me?

What am I afraid of?
Am I scared to lose it and gain some back again?
Am I afraid I can't lose it so if I don't REALLY try than I didn't fail?
When will I fully realize that food does not make me feel better about myself, a situation or life in general?
When will I realize junk food does not give me energy & that Reese's peanut butter cups are not the answer to the 3:00 afternoon wall I hit?
Why don't I realize the only person I'm cheating or failing is myself?
When will I truly make this a lifestyle versus a diet?
When will I start really living life instead of trying to cover myself up on the sidelines?

But maybe the best question is:
Why don't I believe in myself? 

I've struggled for as long as I can remember with my weight. Okay, not fully in high school because I was so active playing sports. But, even then, I wasn't overweight but always felt so much bigger than most of my friends...partly in thanks to my thunder thighs. I'm starting to realize that my relationship with food is a much bigger problem than I ever did realize. It's time for me to dig deep inside, find my true issues & correct them. 

This will be a long journey...but once I am truly the best me, I can be the best wife, mom, sister......

Again, I'm a work in progress searching for the answers.

Until Next Time~