There Was A Time

There was a time for many, many years that I measured myself against all the wrong things. I used all the wrong measuring sticks.

I walked into a room & measured myself against all the other women in the room.

I wish my legs were as thin as hers.

I wish my hair was as gorgeous as hers.

Why can't I be as thin as her?

She is so beautiful; wish I looked like her. 

I am so fat standing next to her.

Then, I would have this conversation with myself: 

I wonder what they think when they look at.

I should have wore something that hid me more. 

Can they tell I want to go hide in a hole? 

With all these thoughts going on inside my head, I was miserable. I stood there & thought about how much I did not like myself. I beat myself up. I tore myself up. I stayed on the sidelines afraid to draw too much attention.

All these thoughts came after the process of getting ready. Do you know that feeling of looking at your closet searching for something to wear & knowing that half of your closet is too small? You feed yourself full of thoughts that you might as well get rid of it all; you will never be able to wear it again. 

One day I looked into the mirror & realized I was a horrible bully & the only person I was a bully to was myself. 

I was not measuring myself with the right measuring sticks. I was not measuring the type of person I was. I was not measuring myself by the giving heart I had or the success in life I had.

The battle is real; the struggle is there. The world we live in is full of comparing who we are, what size we wear, the car we drive, the job we hold, or the house we live in to our neighbors on both sides.

I used to lose this battle daily. Now, most days I win this battle. I remind myself daily, in everything I do, that comparison is the thief of joy. I now walk into a room & am confident in the person I am that I do not feel the need to measure up to anyone & I no longer wonder how I am being judged. I am comfortable in my own skin & like who I am.

 My first step was becoming my own best friend, my own biggest fan. I accepted that I was not perfect & never would be. I had to train my brain to talk to myself like I would a friend. When I started this, my days were different. I finally started to see that I was enough & no longer allowed anyone to make me feel like I was less. I walked into a room looking around thinking "she's beautiful, but so am I."

Put away those measuring sticks, my friends. Burn them up; you are beautiful just the way you are. Be YOU & live YOUR best life!

Until Next Time~
*krisha*