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Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Not What I Meant!

The other day I wrote a post about how I felt I had failed my challenge of loving & embracing my busy. 

I was not saying that I failed as a mom. I was not implying that I was a failure.

Just simply that I did not reach the goal I had set.
Sunday night I let it all hit me. The weight of my responsibilities, the length of that list that never gets finished. It just hit me. I felt behind in every aspect of my life.

I am not ashamed to admit I crawled into bed feeling it all & had tears in my eyes feeling like it was hopeless. I am not afraid to admit how overwhelmed I was feeling at that moment. I will admit I don't have it all together. 

The best part is, that I know I am not alone. I know I wasn't the only mom who crawled into bed on Sunday night thinking about the tasks she did not complete & thinking about the busy week ahead feeling incredibly overwhelmed & weighed down.

I am in a great adjustment period in my life right now & I am searching for the best balance for my girls and me. I am going to fail several more times before I reach a better balance. But, that is okay because every time I fail, I learn something. Every time I lose, I come back stronger & smarter. Every time I get knocked down, I always come back up swinging. 
We all have our own battles behind our closed doors that no one else sees. Our tears that we hide, our failures we are ashamed of, our struggles that make us want to curl up in a ball & say "I quit." None of us are alone, but we feel we are. If we open up & take a chance on someone, we might find a friend who feels the exact same way we do; just by sharing here I have found some great new sources of support & encouragement.

For me, I will keep putting that one foot in front of the other trying to find a balance. We are all different & the things others may not see as important actually set my brain & stress load on fire. I am a person that cannot handle dirty dishes in the sink or a dishwasher waiting to be emptied; piles of folded laundry just waiting to make their way back into drawers; clutter on the kitchen counter of mail or school papers waiting to be flipped through. Those items, the clutter & the half-finished jobs, make my mind a cluttered mess which stresses me out even more to begin with. This is the way I am wired & I cannot change it. Some people may relax by playing candy crush or catching up on their DVR; my "me" time is my workouts & when I don't get those in this mama can go all sorts of crazy; it is my unwind time.

So, no, I am not failing as a mom & my girls are always my priority, but what I am trying to do daily is to challenge myself to look at things differently; to accept things I cannot change; to grow in my relationships; to love my busy life; to find a balance taking care of everyone around me & my responsibilities; but also taking the time to take care of me too: mentally, physically & emotionally. 

I am living my life with intent & trying my best to not live simply going through the motions.  I am growing & changing; I am creating myself by living with intention & loving my imperfection.


Until Next Time~
*krisha*

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