Monday, March 30, 2015

Yup....I Failed!

So on Friday I gave everyone a challenge of enjoying their busy. Loving it instead of stressing over it. Guess what?

I failed.

I started strong!

Saturday I was up before the sun rise. I love getting up early & enjoying the quiet of my house. I love drinking my coffee as I look out the window in my dining room & watch the sun rise.

My day started with my Girls on the Run team volunteering to run the water stations at the Ridge Run 5k & 15k in our town. We had an absolute blast! Being in the space of those amazing young ladies is such a blessing to me. Truly.

From here it was a rush to watch my youngest daughter participate in the Awana games; she did great. Seriously, the girl is super-duper speedy.....clearly, that does not come from her mama!

Snuck out of here five minutes before it was done to rush back to catch my other daughters last Upwards basketball game of the season. I truly enjoyed watching her this season, she worked hard & came such a long way, but more importantly I was proud of her leadership she showed.

When a runner is watching other runners run when she cannot, a little jealousy occurs (I truly dislike the word jealous....). I ran into my house & changed & hit the road for a 5k run. It was the strongest run I have had in a very long time & I NEEDED that! In fact, I haven't been able to run much at all in the past two weeks.

Once I was done, it was a sprint back out the door to catch the other Upwards basketball game of the day! Watching my Bear play her first season was a joy! The girl always makes you smile.

After this, I finished my Saturday with the quickest shower of my life & then the Upwards Awards Night. That truly is such a wonderful program!

So, Saturday, I accepted my challenge! I loved my busy. I loved watching my kids & felt blessed to have active, healthy kids as I ran around like a crazy woman.

Then, Sunday hit. Sunday morning I had just parked my car for a 10 mile training run on the trail when my daughter called me & I found out she had a fever along with a few other symptoms & wanted to see mom. So, I went to check in on her. She had been down with the flu the previous weekend & start of last week that gave us a trip to the ER for Zofran & for some good dehydration help. The symptoms she was experiencing yesterday worried us so I called the on-call nurse at the doctors office. After a million questions, she advised us to get her checked out. So, another trip to the ER occurred. After blood work & a long exam & some other tests, it was determined that it was probably a virus that her body just cannot seem to still kick. But, we got the good drugs through the IV & eventually after sitting there for hours & hours came back home.

I sat there in the hospital room thinking about all the things on my list that were not getting done for the day. I looked at my daughter who was so weak to even talk or move & my heart just kept breaking. I cannot seem to get her healthy; her little body is not fighting well right now.

One of the problems was that her legs hurt so badly, even to the touch, let alone to walk. So, even once we got home, she wanted mom to snuggle her as I would also have to carry her to the bathroom or anywhere else she needed to go. So, again, that to do list was left untouched!

As I put the girls to bed last night, I looked around my house & just felt like I was drowning. The stress hit me like a brick wall. I stood there thinking of all the million things that were once again left undone. The dishes in my sink. The piles of laundry still not ironed or put away. The dirty clothes still laying in piles. The carpet that needs vacuumed. The grocery list that was not touched. The bills sitting on the counter to pay. The work I brought home over the weekend to get done untouched on the counter.

It all sat there, on my shoulders. I am not a half-way kind of girl. I do a job, I get it done. I also cannot stand the clutter of a home, it makes me feel mentally cluttered. I hate feeling behind & to be honest, right now, I feel like I am falling behind in every single aspect of my life.

I hate it.

I crawled into bed feeling the stress of the busy weekend & forgot to love the busy. I failed at my own challenge. So, I guess there is today to do better.

Until Next Time~

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